Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
