Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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