My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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