I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
