They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
