Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
