i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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