I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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