Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
