I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
