Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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