he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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