Got a toothbrush?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
