Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
