forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
