I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
This is my gift to your gina
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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