our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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