love makes seman taste better
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
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