I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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