if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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