i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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