just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
