I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
