i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
