he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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