I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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