so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
