I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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