You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
