question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize