my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize