My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
