The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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