first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
