Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
