just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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