i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas