Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to