So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
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You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
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