i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
