New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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