So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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