just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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