You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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