he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
