sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
