is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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