On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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