What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
