just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
