like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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