He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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