somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
