wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
