Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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