So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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