we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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