I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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