Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Found your dick twin last night
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
