Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
