My nipple is on Facebook.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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