you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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