Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
