I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
