so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
