Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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