After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
