You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
