HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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