I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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