I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
