I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she peed on how many people?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
