Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I faked an abortion last night.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
