I wish I only lived at night.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
